June 17, 2010

Forever and a day
Is how long it seems
I’ve been running

Life passing by
Living in a parallel world
Watching from the sidelines
All those around me but not really there

Unseen and unheard
Existing on long ago memories
Faded and tattered though they might be

Until the day there was you
A smile so big it lit up the entire sky
Eyes filled with love and desire
Arms outstretched and heart wide open

Sunny days walking hand in hand
And dancing in the rain
Passion filled nights
Sweet whispers as we lay in each other’s arms

I kept running
Not away, but to
Running to love, running to you

(C) 2010

In The Background

June 17, 2010

When all you feel is too much to bear
When your world is crashing down all around you
Reach behind you and take my hand

Place your head on my shoulder
Let me brush away your tears
Hush away all your fears

When you stumble and feel you might fall
When the loudness of the quiet night invades you
Look beside you and reach for me

Place yourself in my arms
Let me hold and comfort you
Soothe away your doubts

When you’re in a crowded room but feel all alone
When you speak and no one seems to hear
Look for me in the background

Tell me your sorrows and share with me your dreams
Whenever you need a friend close your eyes
Look for me and I’ll be there

Always close, even when far away
In front of you, beside you, all around you
Reach into the background and there I’ll be

January 2010 ©

Wrapped in Love

June 17, 2010

Wrapped in your arms
Holding me so tight
As you gently caress me

Hands and fingers
Gliding over my body
Never letting go

Sweet soft lips kissing
Both gentle and firm
Loving me all over

Tender words whispered
Wants, needs and desires
Passion, love and lust

Igniting the fires that burn for you
Deep within my soul
A never ebbing blaze you always bring aglow

Safe, loved and adored
Desired, alive and wanted
Cherished, treasured and so much more

All these things you make me feel
As I lay wrapped in love
As I lay wrapped in you

(C) March 2010


June 13, 2010

Hand in hand
Sipping hot chocolate
On a cool summer eve

Waves gently lapping against our toes
Dangling over the dock
Gazing at a never ending purple sky

An endless horizon
Unlimited possibilities
As one day ends and a new one begins

Whispered words
Of hopes and dreams
Stepping stones to a future shared

Easy laughter
And comfortable with the silences in between
Two hearts becoming one

(C) 2009

Disguised as an Angel

June 13, 2010

She sits and wonders, searching for clues
Wondering where were the signs
Surely they were there
Something to prove you weren’t all you said

Charming and charismatic
As if straight from a fairytale
Always appearing at just the right time
With honey-coated words delivered from the lips of an angel

Slowly she trusted you
Dared to invite you into her world, into her heart
Daring to believe and daring to trust
In the possibility of a dream

With well-mastered guile
You continued to charm, continued to deceive
How was she to know, how was she to see,
You were a wolf in an angel’s guise?

With eyes wide open she finally starts to see
All that you are and all you are not
Knowing it was you and never she
Cloaked in disguise and on a path of deception

Moving forward she wills herself to still believe
Still to hope and daring to dream
Being ever watchful, ever mindful
Of those disguised as angels

© 2010

From Darkness to Light

June 13, 2010

Enveloped in the stillness and the silence
Save for her beating heart
And tears that fall upon her pillow
With arms no longer there to hold her
Lips that no longer kiss her goodnight
She stills her mind, quiets her desires
Quells the longings burning in her soul
Willing herself to sleep a dreamless night
Insulated and cocooned she drifts off
Into a deep nothingness

She slowly wakens at dawn’s first light
Embraced within her own arms
Her eyes flutter open
The warmth of the morning sun renewing her spirit
The silence of the night before
Broken by the sound of chirping birds
Feeling calm with a soul that is at peace
Shedding the cocoon that kept her safe while she slept
She rises to greet the new day
A smile on her face, a song of hope within her heart

(C) 2010

We all have moments in our lives when our plates seem too full; overflowing – can’t imagine taking on anything else or having anymore hurdles or burdens to deal with than those already set upon us.  It happens to everyone at some point in their lives.  Our lives suddenly become focused with all that is wrong and how much we have to deal with; sometimes to the point of losing sight that somewhere else in this world there are others with much bigger problems than the ones we have.  When dealing with what appears to be hopeless situations or the insurmountable chaos of our lives many of us tend to focus on the negativity and lose sight of all the many things they have to be grateful for and the ability to still hope and dream.

When times get tough for me I think of my older sister.  She has had many hardships to overcome in her life.  I’ll never forget the day she phoned me to tell me she had a breast lump and needed to have it biopsied, but the doctor didn’t really think it was anything to worry about.  Next phone call was to advise it was breast cancer, but they did a lumpectomy and everything should be fine – just had to wait for the pathology report to make sure they got it all.  And I remember sitting in the surgeon’s office with her when she got the results; sorry, it’s still there – we need to operate again.  Another lumpectomy.  Followed by; sorry, it’s still there – I think your best option is to have a mastectomy followed by a six-month course of chemotherapy.

And so began the ordeal of several surgeries (mastectomy to both breasts and reconstruction), chemotherapy, endless doctors visits, bouts of infection and pneumonia, because I guess she hadn’t been sick enough already.  But she did it; she soldiered on – arranged her chemo for Thursday afternoons so she could still work, only needing to take part day Thursday off and all day Friday.  Be sick from the chemo on the weekend and show up for work on Monday morning.  Did I happen to mention that my sister was an oncology nurse?  Going through cancer herself gave her a whole new perspective on the patients she treated day in and day out and she felt it was important to still be there for them, while she was fighting the same battle that they were.

Anybody wondering why I headed up this tale 26.2 miles, 4 hours 28 minutes yet?  My sister used to love to run when she was younger.  She ran as a child and continued into her twenties/thirties and then life got busy and she stopped.  Just before she turned 50-years old she decided to take up running again and she joined a local Running Room and began to train.  Thought she might like to do a half-marathon – thirteen miles.  Seemed like a pretty ambitious goal for someone her age.  Or so she thought.  Then she got sick.  You know the rest because you just read it.  Did she stop training?  Nope.  She carried on as best she could.  Would let herself recover from surgery and then get back out hitting the pavement.  All the while undergoing her chemotherapy treatments.  She had a friend she was training with and someone else in their group thought they were doing so well that they should consider running the whole marathon.  My sister thought they were nuts at first, but on further reflection thought, well what did she have to lose?  She had already lost so much and there was so harm in trying.  So she went for it.

Six months after her last chemotherapy session, on October 17, 1999, my sister ran that marathon.  26.2 miles in 4 hours and 28 minutes.  Both my younger sister and our parents were at the finish line to cheer for her.  It was a very emotional moment for all of us.

So please, never give up hope, never give up on your dreams.  And when times are tough keep moving forward, bit by bit, one step at a time.  Brighter days are sure to follow.  My sister remains cancer-free to this day.


My Vanity

June 13, 2010

When I was 4 and 5 years old I had long hair just past my shoulders and it was always in ringlets. Whenever my mom washed my hair she would put it in pin-curls and then in the morning I would wake up with these lovely ringlets.  Being so young I just thought they were natural; I didn’t associate the pin-curls with my ringlets, nor did I appreciate the effort and time my mother took to create them.

Everyone always used to comment on how pretty my ringlets were and what nice hair I had.  My little head swelled.  Not all of my other friends and cousins had such nice hair.  How lucky to be me with the nice hair I thought.  Sometimes my mom would put it up in a bun.  Then I felt like royalty because after all, didn’t Queens and Princesses put their hair up like that when they went to fancy balls?  Even in fairytales – Cinderella put her hair up when she went to the ball and met her Prince Charming.

I would prance up and down the street in my little dresses and think everyone was looking at me and thinking how pretty I was and what nice hair I had.  My favourite cousin lived nearby and she didn’t have such nice hair as me.  She just couldn’t seem to grow it and her mother kept it short…. like a boy I thought (the horror of it)!  One of our uncles got married and he chose her to be his flower girl.  I didn’t understand it.  I mean after all, I was the one with the hair.  I would have made a much prettier flower girl, or so I thought.  As I grew older I realized he chose her because when he first moved to Ontario he lived with her parents until he got settled and a place of his own.  Naturally he would choose her; he had lived in her home.  And she was very pretty, even though I was the one with the nice hair.

I lived in my deluded little world of nice hair until I was six.  By now I was in school which meant I had to get up early in the mornings.  Mom was rushed doing many things and decided she just didn’t have the time or the patience to be putting my hair in ringlets all the time.  So one day on our March school break she took me to the barber shop (yes, the barber… much cheaper than a hair salon) and had the barber chop off all my hair.  I cried.  Now I was the one that looked like a boy.  When I returned to school the teacher asked what had happened to my hair.  The other kids stared at me.  But not one person said they liked my new haircut.  I was crushed. Not only that, when my hair started to grow back it grew in straight because… well I had always had straight hair, not the lovely ringlets I thought I was born with.

Many years later my cousin with the boy hair and her family came to visit us (they had moved away to another province when I was 7 or 8).  By now we were teenagers, 14 and 15 years old. Well imagine my surprise when she got off the plane…. she had beautiful hair!  Long, really long and thick too.  I still had long hair but mine was not so thick and was very fine.  Couldn’t hold a curl for very long if my life depended on it.  I think I understood then why my mom got tired of the pin-curls.  I’m not so vain about my hair anymore.  Wash and wear is how I like it… whether short or long.  No fuss, no muss, as long as it’s clean.  And as long as the grey is covered; that’s about as vain as I get with it these days.



June 13, 2010

Frozen, unable to move
Lost in thoughts
Of too many things
And nothing at all

Movement all around me
The world keeps spinning
As I sit and I stare
Transfixed on the emptiness before me

Awake more than I sleep
Yet asleep while I am awake
Going through the motions
In a trancelike state

Everyday noises and activities surround me
Unable to participate
Mute and not able to speak
Silent I remain
I am lost


Missing You

June 13, 2010

Two years, two very long years without you and yet
I feel you all around
How can it be that you are really gone?

Your eyes twinkle in the stars that fill the sky at night
On a rainy day you are the sun breaking though the clouds
When I am sad I feel your arms around me
Gentle loving hugs letting me know all will be right again

I hear your voice… in my head, inside my heart
Such a beautiful lyrical voice that always made me smile
Made me feel loved, made me feel special no matter what

It seems like just yesterday that I last heard you laugh
Saw your smile, a smile that could light up a room
And draw everyone to you like moths to a flame
How can it be true I will never again see you?

You lived life to the fullest though it was much too short
Never putting off for tomorrow what could be done today
Saying all the words you needed to say
Words of love, words of hope, and finally of acceptance of what was to be

And when the time came to have to let you go
You made it known it was okay, okay to cry, okay to grieve
But not to linger in the depths of sorrow for too long
You would always be close; your love would never die

And while I know this to be true it still does not change
That no matter how much time passes by
I will forever be missing you